24 March 2008

The Rancher and the Dude

A Rancher was a-leanin' on a fence when a big ol' Lexus roared up in a cloud o' dust an' stopped. Out jumped a guy in a suit with a "lectronical sumpthin" in his han'. This Dude came up ta th' Rancher an' pointed out over th' field:

"Sir," he said, "I've got a proposition for you."

The Rancher chewed and spat. "Oh?" he said.

"Yessiree," the young man replied. "I'll make a bet with you."

The Rancher squinted. "Bet?" he said.

"Yessir!" said the tenderfoot. "I have in my hand the latest technology. Something every farmer and rancher in this valley wants and needs!"

The Rancher chewed and spat again. "Oh?" he said.

"YES!" exclaimed the eager hotshot. "It's a technological marvel, and if it doesn't do what I claim, I'll give you a thousand dollars in cash. But if it does, you'll just owe me one gallon of milk from one of your cows out there. Does that sound like a good bet to you?"

The Rancher looked the feller in the eye. "Sure," he said.

"I'll bet you I can count all the cows in your field and give you an exact number in less than ten seconds, without moving from the spot we're standing. OK?"

The Rancher scratched his head. "Sure," he finally agreed. "It's a bet."

With that the young whippersnapper whipped out his cell phone, uplinked through a mainserver, interrogated the latest satellite data, downloaded the result, pressed a button to perform an onboard calculation, and saw a figure appear on his cell phone screen.

"You sir," smiled the young salesman, "have exactly 373 cows!"

The Rancher chewed and frowned and scratched and spat.

"Son," he drawled, "at first I thought you was with the Gover-ment. You barged in here with somethin' I don't need, uninvited-like, put out money like it was water tryin' to prove you was on my side, took a foolish gamble, weren't able to do squat without yer damn fool technology, tried to tell me somethin' I already knew, and winded up gettin' screwed on the whole proposition."

The young man groaned. "But wasn't I right?"

The Rancher shook his head. "No, son," he said. "Them's my sheep."


Mary Stebbins Taitt said...


ImperfectNerd said...

I remember this joke going around for years and years, years and years and YEARS ago. It's been just updated slightly here, and THAT was fun doing!

ImperfectNerd said...

A big thank you goes out to Gail Slaughter for the idea.